If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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