i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
