If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
