he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
