Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
