My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
