So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
