I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
