I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
