She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
