I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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