when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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