Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
