youre lurking in front of me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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