Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
