That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
