Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
