If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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