Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
