We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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