im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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