I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
