I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
