I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
