Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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