The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i've created a new STD.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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