Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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