i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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