If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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