I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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