I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
