i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
