You really coming over, don't trick.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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