FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
