OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
