i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
