You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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