did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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