time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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