cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
