I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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