It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
