the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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