I got chris browned last night
I am puke
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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