I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize