you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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