had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
