that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
