My nipple is on Facebook.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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