1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
farters have to be the big spoon...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
