After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
