We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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