Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
