Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
