In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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