fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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