im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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