just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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