I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
