I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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