if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
