I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
