Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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