Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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