she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
