I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
