I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
