I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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