My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
