when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
