i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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