i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
