I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
