she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
