Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
