I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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