I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
